Megan and the Guy, Chapter 3

Chapter three in which the relations between people are determined; the capabilities of unicorns are revealed; and frolicking occurs

Morgan, Megan, and Nadia jollily cavorted until they reached a meadow. Once in the boundaries of the field, they all started letting out uncontainable giggles. Nadia began to uncontrollably shape-shift between snickers, and Morgan couldn’t help but to contort her hands into funny shapes. Megan, despite her wild guffawing, was the only one of them who could think lucidly. Irrepressibly outlandish laughter, unexplainable bouts of childish chortling, suspiciously serendipitous snorting, horrifically horrendous hysterics, hopelessly hexed hooting, hypnotically hyper humor—this can only mean one thing: a magical unicorn is launching a telelaughic attack on us! I must save myself! Megan determined. Assessing her surroundings, she saw a large boulder near the edge of the meadow and ran for cover, not bothering to try to quell the childish chuckles that plagued her.

Once behind the massive rock, the inconceivable hysterics died in Megan’s throat. Out in the middle of the pasture, prancing towards Nadia and Morgan, was a unicorn, presumably their assailant. Megan, no longer under the creature’s chuckling enchantment, ran out into the middle of the field to meet him.

“Hey, you! Yeah, I’m talking to you, horn-face! What’s your problem? Why did you put us under a laughing spell? That is seriously messed up!” The unicorn turned to face Megan.

“Excuse me; I was only trying to protect myself in case you all were dangerous or evil. Self-defense.” The unicorn replied, very much annoyed.

“Do you really think that that,” Megan pointed at Morgan, who was making a butterfly with her hands while brewing bubbles in her mouth, and Nadia, who was waving her arms around like an plane and managing to laugh while making airplane sounds when she actually turned into a small jet, “is dangerous? I can’t see how you would even register them as a threat! Besides, we’re not evil. We are just looking for a magical stone that was stolen from the girl blowing bubbles over there. I’ll show you a photo if you can tell me if you know anything about it’s whereabouts.” The unicorn nodded its head, and Megan pulled out a photograph:

“No, sorry. I haven’t seen it. But, I know someone who knows a guy who is friends with a harpy who once met a dwarf that knew a man who was the stepson of a goblin who once dueled a gnome who was friends with an elf who was the distant cousin of a swan who knew a mermaid who had cursed, well not really cursed, but cast a very nasty spell, on a prince whose brother knew a man that once stayed at an inn kept by a half-dwarf that knew a guy with a gambling problem that once won a game against an ogre that was employed for a bandit that once met the guy who stole it from your friend. Actually, the man who stole it is really my eighteenth cousin’s fifteen times removed on my mother’s side half brother’s biological father’s wife’s brother’s nephew, who I met at the last family reunion. So actually, I do know him. He is human, I think, but perhaps he…” Megan was about to punch this unicorn in the face, no matter how endangered his species was.

         “Do you or do you not know how I can get the stone?” Megan interrupted.

“Why yes, now that you mention it, I do know how you can get the stone.”

 Megan waited for him to continue. The unicorn just stared at her.

“Well,” she tapped her foot impatiently, “how do I get the stone?” The unicorn, which Megan now knew was clearly a master of insufferableness, just looked confused. Megan sighed irritated. Did we really have to stumble upon the most obnoxious, most talkative, most intolerable creature to ever exist on the planet? Her thoughts practically exploded inside her. She looked down at her feet and found that they were starting a fire in the grass. Oh, well.

“Where does the guy who stole it live?” Megan snapped. The unicorn had a look of comprehension cross his face. “Do you see that really really really really big tree over there in the distance? He lives next to it. But on the other side of the tree lives a half-elf who makes the best oatmeal cookies. I mean, all oatmeal cookies are good, but this guy’s are amazing. I can’t remember a time that I didn’t…” Megan stopped listening and went to fetch her enchanted friends, who were still madly giggling. Morgan was on her back, rolling around laughing, while Nadia, who had transformed into a hyena, was cackling ferociously. Megan grabbed them both by their arms and dragged them out of the meadow, where they promptly stopped their maniac hysterics, unlike the unicorn who just kept rambling on and on and on in the background: something about acorn-nut dark chocolate macaroons.

Chapters 4 and 5 to come...